MA’AM ME, IF YOU DARE

I’ve been “Ma’am”-ed.  No need for flowers or emergency therapy. While many of you might disagree, this is a good thing. The scenario? I simply asked a waiter for a glass of water and he replied, “Yes, ma’am” like I was royalty. Let me tell you, the Queen wouldn’t have been addressed with a bigger smile or more warmth.

This got me thinking about the times I’ve been addressed as “Ma’am.” Bank Tellers,

handymen, sales people and civil servants have all called me “Ma’am.” All quite respectful.  On the other hand, medical staffs insist on calling me by name but since there’s a naked thing going on there, this is probably the appropriate choice.

The only place I’m not shown respect (not “Ma’am”-ed) is on TV. In fact, to them I don’t exist. I like TV. I watch TV – or used to. Now my DVR list is short and most of the shows are on premium cable where thoughtful, intelligent and daring work is still done.

The networks say they have to program to the 18-34 demo because that’s what the advertisers like. Really? If that’s true, why are there so many pharmaceutical, retirement fund and luxury car commercials? And in a time when this prized demo is moving back with their parents, is this a wise use of advertising dollars anyway? The reasoning (and I use the term loosely) is that younger people haven’t developed brand loyalty yet. Of course not! They’re scrounging off their parents or buying whatever is cheapest! Targeting this market is for naught.

Let me dispel the demo myth right now. I am always trying new products. My friends are always trying new products. We actually talk about new products. We like iPads, flat screen TVs and new shampoo. We’re the ones at the department store cosmetic counters plunking down a day’s pay on the latest magical elixir. We control the money and we’re not afraid to spend it!

If the 18-34 year olds are so important, why does the #1 network have a much older demo? No, please, somebody answer that. How many variations of crime scene investigations can a person watch? Nor am I interested in seeing yet another show about slackers living in apartments no twentysomething can afford, screwing up relationships and cracking wise with low-brow sexual innuendo. And, please, no more shows about single parents moving in with their parents.

Can’t you just hear the dialogue in the development meetings – “Bring me the next ‘Friends’ or ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ or “NCIS’.” Those shows have been done and done well. Instead, network execs, practice saying this – “Bring me a new idea.”

I would even venture to guess why this is happening. The networks are still operating under the delusion that 18-34 year olds are watching TV and driving advertising dollars. So they want young people writing, producing and developing the shows. The problem with this is that these young people are not well versed in television history, literature or life. They have a very limited POV. The wit muscles are not yet developed. They look around their small universe and they just don’t get life’s joke.

So here are some solutions: 1) Hire people in the 40 and 50+ demo to conceive, write and produce.  2) Hire actors in the 40 and 50+ demo to star. 3) Be brave and admit to the world that you are developing shows that are funny, dramatic, will make us think and are aimed, please, at more mature viewers. 4) Stop treating people in this demo like we’re brain dead. We’re not and your low ratings prove that. Hire us! Market to us! And watch your profits rise!

Show us some respect.  I am asking, no begging, the people in charge of TV programming, hiring and producing – PLEASE ‘MA’AM’ ME!